Picking Winners

“I know nothing about racing and any money I put on a horse is a sort of insurance policy to prevent it winning.” – Frank Richardson

While at the track in Hot Springs, Arkansas, my racing experience is a lot like Mr. Richardson’s in the above quote. I’m sure my poor results are due to my unscientific method of trying to pick a winner. I don't see the point of betting on a ‘sure thing.’ My strategy is to place money on the long shot with the best or funniest name. So today, while I’m off deciding which horse to ‘insure,’ I’ll leave you with my list of ten funny book titles for you to pick a winner. Bear in mind that these are actual books:

If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?! by Cynthia Heimel

When Your Phone Doesn't Ring, It'll Be Me by Cynthia Heimel

Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, I’m Kissing You Goodbye by Cynthia Heimel

Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have around the Home by Dave Barry

Things I Heard While Talking To Myself by Alan Alda

The Earth, My Butt and Other Big Round Things by Carolyn Mackler

Belle Weather: Mostly Sunny with a Chance of Scattered Hissy Fits by Celia Rivenbark

Napoleon's Privates: 2,500 Years of History Unzipped by Tony Perrottet

Life Doesn't Begin 5 Pounds from Now by Jessica Weiner

Is This Thing On?: A Computer Handbook for Late Bloomers, Technophobes, and the Kicking & Screaming by Stokes, Abby, Sloan, Michael, Yule, Hunt

I selected these ten after visiting laughitout.com, edclibrary.com, and Readers Digest.com. It was difficult to pick only ten, so if you’d like to read more funny titles, drop by those sites.

Which title is your favorite? Or, do you have a funny book title that you’d like to add to the list?

Thanks for stopping by.

Tags: Frank Richardson, heimel, Dave Berry,Alan Alda, Horse races, Hot Springs, Funny Titles,

Funny Headlines

“Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.” – Mark Twain

It’s the time of year when my husband and I make our annual trip to the horse races in Hot Springs, Arkansas. We meet a group of wonderful friends, eat great pastrami sandwiches, watch with disbelief as our ‘sure winners’ come in last, and laugh a great deal. I thought I’d try to do a post or two that will leave you laughing (or at least smiling) too. Maybe with enough laughter in the air, we can change the doom and gloom atmosphere.

Here are a few from the 20 Funniest Newspaper Headlines Ever on Oddee:

Alton Attorney Accidently Sues Himself

Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons

Statistics show that Teen Pregnancy Drops off significantly after age 25

Ten Commandments, Supreme Court says some OK, some not

Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says

From Funny Newspaper Headlines on alphaDictionary.com:

Situations Vacant: Cleaner required, must be contentious

Autos killing 110 a Day; Let's Resolve to do Better

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

Eye Drops Off Shelf

Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan

Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Never Withhold Herpes from Loved One

Do you have a favorite headline you’d like to share?

Thanks for stopping by.

Tags: Twain, funny headlines, horse races, Hot Springs,